How Do You Love Someone You Don't Like?
How do we love somebody who we don't really like? I have come across this question many times from various angles. It may sound like a complicated question, particularly for Christians, such as myself, who are commanded to love everyone like Jesus loves.
"A new commandment I give to you that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another." John 13:34
We have all faced that person, or even those people, who we just can't seem to click with. This could be due to a difference in values or just basic personality clashes. That is where we get hit with the thought, "Ugh... I do not like this person, but I have to love them so I guess I'll just pray about it." What a saint, right? Come on, we've all been there.
How do we flip that switch in our mind toward one another? How do you love someone you don't like? Well, after much prayer and study, I have come to this conviction. Are you ready for the answer?
You can't.
How does that work? Here's the thing, I cannot find anywhere in scripture where God says anything about the difference between "like" and "love". I did, however, look it up in the good old dictionary. Here is what I found.
Like- to feel attraction toward or take pleasure in; to enjoy.
Love- to hold dear, to take great interest or pleasure in.
Those are not that different after all. Either way, whether love or like, we have to get on the same page with someone. I am going to take this a step further because there is an important detail in the aforementioned scripture. Jesus made it clear to love specifically "as I have loved you". The use of the word "love" in this passage translates to "agape" in its original text. This is the deepest kind of love in that it is sacrificial.
Can you love someone with the deepest kind of love -to the point of giving your life for them if necessary- but not really like them? I doubt it. Sounds to me like this question of like versus love is a technicality created by Satan himself in a sad effort to provide mankind with a loophole to the absolute truth of the gospel. If we love like Jesus loves then we choose to like them as He did, too, because we cannot differentiate between the two as we view others. As believers, we have been gifted with the ability and command to function out of agape love.
“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” John 13:34-35
This sacrificial, reconciling, God-fueled, mountain-moving love is a supernatural power! This goes beyond the Eros (romantic) and Phileo (brotherly affection) loves that function out of human emotion.
So what do we do? How do we love someone that we do not like? Well, we must first come to realize that if we do not like a person, then we are not loving as Jesus did. Therefore, we MUST pray! Step one is to confess our feelings to God. Step two is repent. Decide that you want your heart toward this person or people to change. Step three is forgive whatever offense has left a bad taste in your mouth. (See my post on Forgiveness here!) Step four is to make a choice to want good for this person. Finally, we get to watch and see the Lord move in our hearts and unite us, whether as a body of believers or by drawing others into His presence by loving as Christ loves.